The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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