I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
