you would pick up someone in the library
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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