He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
