Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
