I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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