your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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