i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
