Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize