Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
