Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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