So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
