well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
