I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
