I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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