covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
