My liver just broke up with me...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
