Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
