My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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