So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
