My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
