plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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