She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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