Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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