ugly people sure do ruin things
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
