I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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