Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
