I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
