# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
