I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
