No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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