She is in my trunk
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
