last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's blow job season.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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