what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
