HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
