I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
