Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
