Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
