His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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