I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
