I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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