my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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