he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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