get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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