but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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