good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize