Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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