you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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