No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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