So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize