Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
