i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
