phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
