grandma shit on top of the toilet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize