i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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