No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
