I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
