were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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