YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
