Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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