That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
