We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
