i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
