i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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