i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
