I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
