I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
