I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
that is very illegal...i love you.
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