and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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