dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize