If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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