why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
