He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
