I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize