He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
