State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
