okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
