ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize