Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You pole danced in your parka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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