Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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