so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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