well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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