Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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