Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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