He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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