I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
