wanna go halves on a baby?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
