You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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