I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
