my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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