The maid of honor just puked.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
