Can i not drive my cunt home
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
