If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
