I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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