nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
