When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
