I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
