I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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