It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
